Talk:Life Cycle Model

From apppm
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(Feedback from Dnhr0)
(Feedback from Dnhr0)
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* I think the length of the article is fine, since you talk about the important things of this topic.  
 
* I think the length of the article is fine, since you talk about the important things of this topic.  
  
 +
''* Thanks :-)''
  
 
At the same time, I think there are some minor things that you may want to go through again in order to consider my opinion (if you find it useful). Some of my recommendations are:  
 
At the same time, I think there are some minor things that you may want to go through again in order to consider my opinion (if you find it useful). Some of my recommendations are:  
* Spelling: ''(all considered and corrected)''
+
* Spelling:  
 +
*''(all considered and corrected)''
 
** Abstract: framework instead of frame work.  
 
** Abstract: framework instead of frame work.  
 
** Historic Background: article instead of articel.  
 
** Historic Background: article instead of articel.  
Line 28: Line 30:
 
* Grammar: You may want to review these sentences:
 
* Grammar: You may want to review these sentences:
 
** Under Detailed study: “Within this phase detailed studies of the subsystems and their interrelation, which lead to detailed information about each sub solution and gives advice towards the implementation of the Engineering System.” It seems that there is a missing verb (or a part of the sentence).  
 
** Under Detailed study: “Within this phase detailed studies of the subsystems and their interrelation, which lead to detailed information about each sub solution and gives advice towards the implementation of the Engineering System.” It seems that there is a missing verb (or a part of the sentence).  
** Under Realisation Phase: “Examples are the production of machinery or in case of IT and service systems the full documentation of the system. The system is ready to be implemented.” The first one I would add some commas: ““Examples are the production of machinery or, in case of IT and service systems, the full documentation of the system”. However, it looks like there is a link missing between the first and the second sentences.  
+
''**Right, it sounds horrific. I rephrased the whole paragraph''
 +
** Under Realisation Phase: “Examples are the production of machinery or in case of IT and service systems the full documentation of the system. The system is ready to be implemented.” The first one I would add some commas: ““Examples are the production of machinery or, in case of IT and service systems, the full documentation of the system”. However, it looks like there is a link missing between the first and the second sentences.
 +
''**I added the commas and created the missing link''
  
 
* In the abstract or summary, it could be a good idea to state the four phases of the life cycle model before referring to them. You start talking about these phases in the third line of the paragraph; however, you mention them until the end of it. It might be the case that you do not want to mention them before, but it was quite complicated to know what I was reading about without knowing these phases. It may also be a good idea if you state more clearly in this part what the reader is going to read in the article (explanation of the four phases, examples, variations of the model, etc.).
 
* In the abstract or summary, it could be a good idea to state the four phases of the life cycle model before referring to them. You start talking about these phases in the third line of the paragraph; however, you mention them until the end of it. It might be the case that you do not want to mention them before, but it was quite complicated to know what I was reading about without knowing these phases. It may also be a good idea if you state more clearly in this part what the reader is going to read in the article (explanation of the four phases, examples, variations of the model, etc.).
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* You may want to make the bullet points under the Development Phase in bold letters; however, it is just a suggestion, it may not be that relevant.  
 
* You may want to make the bullet points under the Development Phase in bold letters; however, it is just a suggestion, it may not be that relevant.  
 
* The figures could be shown a little bit bigger. As they currently are, the reader needs to click on them to actually read the content.  
 
* The figures could be shown a little bit bigger. As they currently are, the reader needs to click on them to actually read the content.  
 +
**done (300px)
 
* The second figure may need to add a label on the Y-axis to clearly state that it reflects influence (very helpful chart).  
 
* The second figure may need to add a label on the Y-axis to clearly state that it reflects influence (very helpful chart).  
 +
**The Y-axis corresponds to the percentage of the two curves at any given stage during the development phase. The two curves indicate influence vs. knowledge on/about the project and are marked accordinly
 
* It could be nice to contrast in some way the Life Cycle Model to the variations shown in the last section. You could discuss some advantages and disadvantages that this model may have, and how the other variants help or fail to address some of the disadvantages. This might not be the case if they are suitable for different circumstances.  
 
* It could be nice to contrast in some way the Life Cycle Model to the variations shown in the last section. You could discuss some advantages and disadvantages that this model may have, and how the other variants help or fail to address some of the disadvantages. This might not be the case if they are suitable for different circumstances.  
 
* I think we do not have a specific referencing format, but it would be better for your article if they were written in the same style.
 
* I think we do not have a specific referencing format, but it would be better for your article if they were written in the same style.

Revision as of 14:06, 26 November 2014

Feedback from Dnhr0

Hello! I enjoyed reading your article and I found a couple of good points on it that make it easy and nice to read:

  • There is a nice, natural flow in the content. It was quite easy to structure and picture in my mind what I was reading.
  • It was understandable, with a good use of vocabulary and, of course, examples.
  • The figures clarify the content easily, and are quite interesting.
  • It was nice to go through the text and see that some key words were linked to other articles in the Wiki. It is very helpful when trying to get more in-depth knowledge about a certain topic.
  • The references used throughout the text are from reliable sources.
  • I think the length of the article is fine, since you talk about the important things of this topic.

* Thanks :-)

At the same time, I think there are some minor things that you may want to go through again in order to consider my opinion (if you find it useful). Some of my recommendations are:

  • Spelling:
  • (all considered and corrected)
    • Abstract: framework instead of frame work.
    • Historic Background: article instead of articel.
    • The Life Cycle Phases
      • Whether instead of wether (also in Development Phase).
      • “As suggested here” instead of “as suggest here”.
      • “As an activity” instead of “as a activity”.
      • In Main study: sufficiency instead of sufficiently (that is the idea I got but maybe the meaning is different).
      • Case Example Development Phase: through instead of trough.
      • Realisation Phase: tasks instead of task ?
      • Utilisation Phase. Its instead of it’s, and “performance is monitored” instead of “performance monitored”.
      • Activity Cycles within Individual Life Cycle Phases: Another instead of “an other”.
  • Grammar: You may want to review these sentences:
    • Under Detailed study: “Within this phase detailed studies of the subsystems and their interrelation, which lead to detailed information about each sub solution and gives advice towards the implementation of the Engineering System.” It seems that there is a missing verb (or a part of the sentence).

**Right, it sounds horrific. I rephrased the whole paragraph

    • Under Realisation Phase: “Examples are the production of machinery or in case of IT and service systems the full documentation of the system. The system is ready to be implemented.” The first one I would add some commas: ““Examples are the production of machinery or, in case of IT and service systems, the full documentation of the system”. However, it looks like there is a link missing between the first and the second sentences.

**I added the commas and created the missing link

  • In the abstract or summary, it could be a good idea to state the four phases of the life cycle model before referring to them. You start talking about these phases in the third line of the paragraph; however, you mention them until the end of it. It might be the case that you do not want to mention them before, but it was quite complicated to know what I was reading about without knowing these phases. It may also be a good idea if you state more clearly in this part what the reader is going to read in the article (explanation of the four phases, examples, variations of the model, etc.).
  • Don’t forget to reference the figures in the text. They are very useful, so it could be even better if the text guides you through them.
  • It could be useful to mention (before explaining the four phases) why you have decided to take these four phases and not others. It is not clear if this is the way Rainer Züst and Peter Troxler do it, or if you got the idea from other sources. This also affects the figure with the life cycle phases and decision gates.
  • I consider it important to mention what you consider throughout the article as “Systems Engineering”. You could go into small detail, probably referencing a couple of sources. I think that it might be useful to divide the background in to sections: Main Concepts and Historical Background. That way you may be able to clarify this concept and probably make explicit the relationship between this topic and project/portfolio/program management.
  • You may want to make the bullet points under the Development Phase in bold letters; however, it is just a suggestion, it may not be that relevant.
  • The figures could be shown a little bit bigger. As they currently are, the reader needs to click on them to actually read the content.
    • done (300px)
  • The second figure may need to add a label on the Y-axis to clearly state that it reflects influence (very helpful chart).
    • The Y-axis corresponds to the percentage of the two curves at any given stage during the development phase. The two curves indicate influence vs. knowledge on/about the project and are marked accordinly
  • It could be nice to contrast in some way the Life Cycle Model to the variations shown in the last section. You could discuss some advantages and disadvantages that this model may have, and how the other variants help or fail to address some of the disadvantages. This might not be the case if they are suitable for different circumstances.
  • I think we do not have a specific referencing format, but it would be better for your article if they were written in the same style.

Review by kikigaga

First of all I thought it was nice and easy to read. It was kept to the point. The other reviewer (as I can see) covered a lot of my points so I will stick to the things that were extra;)

  • Think about if you want a specific angle on the concept. I thought it was nice to hear about the area but as I also know about LCA and stuff I might want to know how this differs and what you found interesting about the subject?
  • I liked the case company idea, but maybe you would want to introduce it in the beginning as a strategy for the article so the reader is prepared. Did you or someone else come up with the cases?
  • Could there be some implementation advice?
  • Are we going to know what happens to the case companies?
  • I would like to see a longer discussion of the model compared to de other models. How is this better, why do companies choose other models and so on.

Thank you for making it interesting to read, I really enjoyed it!

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