Constructive communication

Abstract

Communication is a big part of project management. 80% of project managers' time is spent on communication, which is considered a critical success factor in projects . Project managers communicate with stakeholders such as co-workers, clients, and business partners and these communications are, for example, regarding projects and for making big decisions. These types of communications and when dealing with all kinds of people, conflicts are inevitable .

For managing conflicts the right way, the communication has to be constructive and not destructive, as poor communication can make matters worse . The majority of conflicts can be looked at as an opportunity for improvement . Project managers that practice and learn to use constructive communication are more likely to transform conflicts into growth or improvement. In addition, they can build more robust and better relationships with their stakeholders and understand them better. Moreover, by following the guidelines on constructive communication, project managers can resolve potential conflicts ahead of time and prevent miscommunication .

This article examines the importance of constructive communication, especially in dealing with conflicts during projects. In addition, relevant models and guidelines are provided that project managers can use in their work. It is important for project managers to master and keep practicing constructive communication. However, this type of communication is not just relevant within project management. It is useful for everyone willing to learn how to deal with conflicts constructively .

What is Constructive Communication

Constructive communication is a powerful tool to use when dealing with conflicts and to prevent them from happening. This type of communication addresses the conflict positively and clearly between communicators. It builds understanding, provides sufficient detail for full awareness, and provides clear information. Furthermore, by using constructive communication, the goal is that both sides win by showing a respectful and cooperative attitude. Using constructive communication leaves room for others to share their side and be heard to work together and foster understanding .

Models of Constructive Communication

There are different ways to approach constructive communication. This section goes over five different models of constructive communication and demonstrates some of the resources and depth of what is known about this type of communication.

Centered Communication

This model of constructive communication is standard in the Healthcare profession. Doctors use this technique to approach their clients . When using centered communication, project managers put aside their plan and approach the other person on the same level as he/her. What the other person says is equally important as the project manager's needs. Being open-minded is vital for this type of communication to work. Respect builds up when the project manager is open-minded and trust is increased. I-statements are an excellent way of structuring the conversation and share information .

Clean Communication

When using clean communication, project managers should avoid harsh and judgmental messages. In addition, you-statements should be avoided, as they tend to be overwhelming and are not constructive. Furthermore, project managers should keep the conversation on a positive note and be mindful of their body language .

Compassionate Listening

When project managers use compassionate listening, they emphasize understanding and finding compassion for the other person. The conversation should be a safe space for everyone to express their feelings. Project managers should accept all the emotions the other person has and not take them personally. Also, it is essential not to get defensive and get past the barriers of frustration .

Cooperative Communication

Communicating cooperatively can change relationships between project managers and stakeholders, and/or team members. There are 7 points that project managers need to consider when using this communication type:

1. Listen. Be responsive and careful when listening.
2. Their intentions should be clear.
3. Have clear and complete expressions. I-statements are helpful.
4. Use specific, action-oriented language.
5. Ask questions open-endedly.
6. Have the focus of the conversation on a positive node.
7. Remember that it takes time to master cooperative communication, and project managers should learn from their mistakes .

Nonviolent Communication

The fifth and the last model is nonviolent communication, and it is the most popular type of constructive communication. Nonviolent communication uses requests instead of demands to avoid destructive communication. It is based on the premise that empathy and compassion are worthy in everyone. People only resort to aggression and negative actions when they do not identify more appropriate strategies to fulfill needs. Project managers should be responsible and communicate in a positive way instead of a negative way .

Guidelines for Constructive Communication

It can be tricky to use constructive communication when dealing with conflicts. In this section, guidelines and examples are illustrated.

I-Statements Instead of You-Statements

Using I-statements when dealing with conflicts is much more subtle than using you-statements. Project managers are not accusing or making assumptions about the other person's attitude or feelings when using I-statements . While, you-statements communicate that the other person is responsible for the project manager's discomfort and pain, which shuts the door to understanding and turns discussions into conflict. I-statements can identify both impacts and problems regarding the conflict and make it easier to find a solution .

• I-statement - Example of what to say:

- I find it frustrating when we send out the wrong file to our clients

• You-statement - Example of what not to say:

- You sent out the wrong file to our client

Three points can help project managers build their I-statements :

1. Declare the feeling regarding the behavior from the other person and its consequences
2. Offer tangible, concrete examples of the effects of such behavior
3. State what kind of behavior is more acceptable in the future

Be Clear and Specific

When solving a conflict or being on the receiving end, it is essential to be calm, clear, and specific. Doing so makes it possible to lead the conversation in a structured way and prevent misunderstandings from happening. Moreover, it is more likely to get all the information needed to solve the conflict where no one ends up getting hurt or feeling disrespected .

• Example of a clear and specific sentence:

- I am a little frustrated that you sent out the wrong file to our client as it can confuse him/her.

• Example of a sentence that is not clear and specific.

- You are confusing our client

Body Language Awareness

Communication is verbal, but it is also nonverbal, and both factors are vital in conversations. If the other person cannot read the body language, a big part of the conversation will be missing . Additionally, it is crucial to pay attention to facial expressions, such as angry faces and rolling eyes. People might feel threatened when project managers use angry faces and bad postures during conflicts .

Examples to be aware of:

- Facial expressions

- Bad posture

- Eye contact

- Attitude

Focus on the Problem

It is much more effective to focus on the problem and not the person. Then the person responsible is approached to find a solution to the problem. Having the focus of the conversation on the problem can prevent future problems and conflicts from occurring and not focus on blame .

• Example of a sentence focusing on the problem:

- Our client received an email with the wrong file

• Example of a sentence focusing on the person:

- You sent out the wrong file to our client

Focus on the Future

If the focus is on the past, the person is more likely to be defensive and hurt. Consequentially, it can increase the conflict rapidly. It is much more constructive to have a focus on the future. However, if it seems impossible to forget the past issue, it should be resolved first and then continue on the conflict with the future in mind .

Manage the Conversation with Facts

Conflicts can involve many feelings, but project managers should manage them with facts, not feelings. The facts should be presented in a structured manner and not in a negative way.

• Example of a sentence with facts:

- I was hurt when you said I was confusing our client after I sent out the wrong file

• Example of a sentence not with facts:

- Why were you so mean to be?

Complete Communication

When communications are complete, they include observations, feelings, thoughts, and needs. Using these four elements helps to express all the information needed to help solve a conflict .

- Observations are neutral factual claims where no inferences or judgments are allowed .

- Feelings are an essential component in conversations. As mentioned before, problems should focus on facts, not feelings. However, project managers need to show feelings that describe their emotions, but in the right and constructively way .

- Thoughts are views, opinions, theories, and situational perceptions. Although thoughts do not have to be 100% true all the time, they show a personal side and understanding from the project manager .

- Needs have to be expressed. People are not able to read project managers' minds. Therefore, they have to tell them what they want or what is required of them .

• Example of complete communication:

- I am going to schedule a meeting next week. I hope you can attend it. I need to go over some email tricks with the department. It would be great if everyone will attend.

• Example of incomplete communication:

- I hope you can attend the meeting next week.

The incomplete communication is not entirely incorrect. However, it can confuse the receiving person, and the project manager might not end up with a desirable result.

Emotions Under Control

It is normal to experience emotions during conflicts, and project managers need to have them under control. Communicating with anger is not constructive and will only make the situation worse. When emotions are not under control, regrettable things are likely to be said. On the other hand, when emotions are under control, the likelihood increases of finding a mutually acceptable solution. It also allows everyone to view the situation more objectively .

• Example of what to say when emotions begin to feel out of control:

- I feel like my emotions are getting the best of me. Let's take a coffee break, clear our minds and meet again after 5 minutes.

- Although we disagree now, we have a good partnership, and we will work this out.

How to Prepare for a Constructive Communication

When project managers have to deal with conflicts, preparing in advance is an essential success factor. Such as, looking at all aspects of the problem, and deciding what results are desirable . Below are three ways to prepare beforehand:

1. Prepare mentally. Being mentally prepared can benefit the conversation, and playing the conversation beforehand is a good trick. Furthermore, project managers should list down questions that can help resolve the conflict. However, these questions have to be said constructively . Preparing conflict conversations can make it easier to be present in the conversation. Being present helps to receive the ideas coming from the other person and remain calm .
2. Prepare all documents. It is crucial to gather all the relevant information needed to resolve the conflict. Having all the facts straight can help lead the conversation in the right way .
3. Find an appropriate area. Conflict conversations should take place in a private room. It should be a safe place for everyone to express their feelings .

Limitations

Constructive communication comes with its limitations. It is not enough for project managers to read about constructive communication models and guidelines to use them successfully. When starting to use this communication technique, project managers will see how difficult it is to apply it during conflicts. Therefore, project managers might not resolve conflicts in a 100% constructive way in the beginning. However, it is essential to not lose faith in this technique as practice makes perfect.

Conflicts can involve all kinds of emotions that can get the best of people. Project managers must be aware of themselves and focus on the problem. For a conversation to work, it takes at least two people. While project managers can apply their knowledge regarding constructive communication to the conversation, it is not certain that the other person is in the right state of mind for dealing with a conflict. The other person could be overly defensive and feel threatened, leading the conversation in the wrong direction.

Some project managers might take the easy way out sometimes and avoid conflicts. That is not an excellent strategy to follow, especially not as a project manager. Project managers need to know themselves well and prepare for all kinds of conflicts.

Conclusion

This article demonstrates the importance of applying constructive communication to conversations regarding conflicts. Project managers spent a great deal of time communicating with others and often need to deal with conflicts. It depends on project managers how conflicts are resolved, and for them to be successful and respected at their work, mastering constructive communication is considered vital. First, project managers should educate themselves and learn all aspects of constructive communication. Read variations of articles, books, and/or attend workshops if possible. Second, when knowing what constructive communication is about, they should start putting their knowledge into practice, especially during conflicts, as those conversations tend to be complicated. Finally, project managers should learn from their mistakes and keep on practicing constructive communication. After each conflict, project managers should evaluate what went well and what could have gone better.

Annotated bibliography

* Nonviolent and Constructive Communication, Joanie V Connors, 2013 . This paper focuses on the skills of communication and how to use constructive communication when dealing with conflicts.

* Communicating Constructively, Scott Williams, 2002 . This article shows how you can apply constructive communication in various professions.